Monday, November 21, 2011

Sometimes I am such a girl.

There is a direct correlation between the dropping temperatures and my growing awareness of being alone.

Every year at about this time, I suddenly realize that I am alone and have been for a very long time. The thought, which is usually tucked away in the back of my mind, claws its way to the forefront and camps out until March. I am not sure why this is. Maybe it's just easier to be lonely when it's cold outside.

At any rate, it makes me feel immensely girly. Not the good kind of girly with lipstick and dresses, but the bad kind that makes you feel stupid and vulnerable because you want someone.

I am fine without someone. I do not need someone. I am not wallowing in my misery. I'm not even miserable. Sometimes I just think it would be really nice if I had someone to lie in bed and read with, or dance in the car to Coldplay with, or have a Harry Potter marathon with.

It's not so bad to want things from time to time.



Ash said...

I know what you mean. 'Cept replace 'guy' with 'girl'...

But yes, I know exactly where you're coming from.

Natalie said...

I already replied to this on Tumblr, but I will write more here.

SO RELEVANT TO MY LIFE. Right now and at all times, really. But especially right now. Out of my three best friends, one started dating someone over the weekend, another is "unofficially" dating someone, and another likes someone that also likes her but neither of them have actually declared it to each other yet. And then there's me. And like you said, normally I don't even CARE. It's not like I'm sitting there are all lonely and sad and desperate and wishing that I had a boyfriend. But you're right. Especially during the holidays when everyone is all happy and love and mistletoe and happiness and snuggling and cuddling, and then it's like.... okay. I don't need that, but it's not like I don't want it, either. Mergh. Basically, I feel your pain. If only we were lesbians.

I'm starting to think I'm just incapable of having a relationship... when that kid liked me, after I went to homecoming with him I realized how dull of a person he was and how annoyed I was by his presence.... Argh, so frustrating. I could write about this forever but I have to go to fifth period now.

Anonymous said...

As I was saying, I feel like us bloggers are on the same continuum or some freaky shit. I've been feeling the woes of being single, too. I've never been in an honest to God relationship before, so I sometimes feel like I'm incapable of being in one. I know everyone tells me that if I just wait and be patient, a hell of a guy will show up eventually. But let's be honest, the waiting game sucks.

I swear the following is going to sound as if I'm not of sound mind, but for the past couple of days I've had dreams where I've been in relationships with the strangest people... It's really wonky. Like, last night I dreamt of being in a relationship with one of my friend's brothers. It was scary as hell. I spent the entire day avoiding him in the hallways. Do you know how challenging it is to go out of your way to not see someone? Very. It was as if God was playing a game of Sims today or something. Sheesh.

Anyway, for now, I'm happily satisfied with appreciating the magical goodness of red velvet cupcakes and loving everybody.

Dillon said...

I literally laughed outload reading Natalie, "If only we were lesbians."

But in all seriousness, I totally understand. Even though I am surrounded by people, my friends, whatnot, I feel alone too. Maybe it's just the college thing to feel. Im currently trying to widen my friend base so that I can have a variety of people, and try to feel less lonely.

Jocelyn said...


I am feeling EXACTLY the same way. I always do around the holidays. I am always nostalgic for love, and for cute hot chocolate covered kisses, warm cuddles and hugs. I hear you girl... I always get lonely around this time. It sucks!

Hope you're doing well! It's been a while!


mayte michelle. said...

I love Natalie. just sayin' and you.

I think the cold just makes everyone feel lonely and emotional and vulnerable. It makes me think of foggy oceans and of Francesca Lia Block books (I suggest you read Echo, it's great, or The Hanged Man, which was the one Kait told me to read a few years back and I've been hooked ever since. They're also somewhat girly but in a poetic, everyone will fall in and out of love, way.)

shelbyisms said...

I just love you all the time.

Anonymous said...

i really want to comment and say something but you've actually said it all in this post

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