Sunday, April 10, 2016

Long time, no see

I've been pretty quiet on here for the last nine months or so. Aside from the 24 Before 25 list that I posted yesterday, I've only posted one other time since June. It's not that I didn't want to post, I just couldn't seem to find the time. I'm kicking myself for it, too, because there was so much that I wanted to write about, so much that I wanted to share. My life has been so full! And while I, of course, kept up with Twitter and Instagram, I have nothing to show for it here.

For example, if you only read my blog and don't follow me on any other social media platforms, then you don't know that I had a real, bona fide relationship with a real life boy. (I'm pretty sure the only people that actually read my blog not only follow me elsewhere, but also know me in "real life". But still.) His name is David. He came home with me for Thanksgiving, we road-tripped to California to meet his parents, said I-love-you's... The whole nine yards!

But I didn't take the time to write about any of it, and now that relationship has ended. It wasn't a bad ending; nobody did anything wrong. It was simply a matter of feelings, and you can't help what you feel. It's been a rough few weeks for me, but I'm okay. I am sad and at times angry, but I've been doing my best to focus on the good stuff and trying to keep my hurt feelings from tainting memories of what was really and truly a wonderful relationship.

I'm not writing all this down to get pity or even words of encouragement. (I know it had nothing to do with me, I know I am enough, I know it gets better–believe me, I know. I get it.) I'm writing this down now because I'm upset with myself for not keeping track of it all then.

My blog has always been a place where I talk about my life. I do this because I like to share pictures and words with people, but mostly I do it for myself, so that I can look back and see what my life was a few months or a few years ago. But now when I look back, David, who was such a big, important part of my life, is nowhere to be seen.

This is all to say: I don't want that to happen with anything or anyone in my life again. I'm going to make the time to write these things down and share them here because it's important to me. I'm going to stop waiting for inspiration to strike, to "get in the mood" to blog, and I'm going to stop trying to make everything perfect. I'm just going to get out. I'm just going to do it.



beenotafraid said...

I love you.

Natalie said...

<3 I love reading everything you write so this makes me happy, even though it was prompted by some pretty shitty circumstances. MISS YOU SO MUCH.

Blog Design by Get Polished | 2017 © Marvelous Meandering