Monday, May 26, 2014

On college

Photo by Mary Boyden
It's been nearly two months since I last blogged, and I hate that, but I'm completely serious when I say that I simply had no time to do so. After my birthday, I was focused solely on just making it through the last bit of undergrad. After finishing my last final on the thirteenth, I worked, went home for my graduation dinner, worked some more, and drove to Arkansas for the Rauh wedding then to Austin (but more on that later). It's only now, sitting in Melany's apartment, that I've been able to really breathe.

But I did it! I have a degree now, and let me tell you, it was not easy. It's no secret that I did not enjoy college, but those last few weeks of school were especially terrible. I'm not exaggerating when I say they were the worst weeks of my life–full of panic attacks, emotional breakdowns, and self-loathing. I have never felt worse in my entire life (and while I do plan to go to graduate school someday, I think you can understand why I'm not quite ready to throw myself back in there yet).

Don't get me wrong–I did have some great classes and professors that I will remember for the rest of my life. But overall? It was hard–really, really hard. Not just mentally, but physically and emotionally. I learned a lot though. Some of which I've already forgotten (like Spanish), but what can you do? I've retained the important things though, and am here to offer my sage advice to those still toiling away. After all, since I am officially a graduate, I can now look back on the last four years with more clarity and candor than I could two weeks ago.

I think the most important thing I learned is that these past four years do not define me. It's okay that I didn't have the proper "college experience," that I hated it most of the time. It's okay that I struggled with classes and didn't come out with a 4.0 GPA. It's okay for you, too. It seems that for most people, college is a pretty crappy time. Don't feel bad if it's not everything you think it should be. Just do the best you can, and try to focus on the good.



Natalie said...

I'm glad that my card got to you and let me just repeat everything about you being awesome and powering through the last bit of your semester despite everything being crazy. YOU DID IT.

And yeah, seriously, what even is the perfect proper college experience? I don't think that's a thing. That college is "supposed to be the best years ever" thing is not accurate for many reasons, mostly because how can you possibly make that kind of sweeping generalization.

I am excited to hear about your Austin recap!

Abriel said...

Loads of congratulations to you on graduating! It feels awesome not having any exams or essays to write EVER AGAIN if you so wish, especially after feeling so terrible for the last of your weeks there. I'm sorry it was.

And I think you're right that a lot of people don't go through that proper college experience or aren't too big a fan of the whole process, and that it's okay.

Congrats again!

Dillon said...

Hey, you're done at least! I can't wait to hear about the Rauh wedding from you. And now Austin. And like who even remembers a second language if you try to learn it once you're older than like, six?

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