Long time, no see

I've been pretty quiet on here for the last nine months or so. Aside from the 24 Before 25 list that I posted yesterday, I've only posted one other time since June. It's not that I didn't want to post, I just couldn't seem to find the time. I'm kicking myself for it, too, because there was so much that I wanted to write about, so much that I wanted to share. My life has been so full! And while I, of course, kept up with Twitter and Instagram, I have nothing to show for it here.

For example, if you only read my blog and don't follow me on any other social media platforms, then you don't know that I had a real, bona fide relationship with a real life boy. (I'm pretty sure the only people that actually read my blog not only follow me elsewhere, but also know me in "real life". But still.) His name is David. He came home with me for Thanksgiving, we road-tripped to California to meet his parents, said I-love-you's... The whole nine yards!

But I didn't take the time to write about any of it, and now that relationship has ended. It wasn't a bad ending; nobody did anything wrong. It was simply a matter of feelings, and you can't help what you feel. It's been a rough few weeks for me, but I'm okay. I am sad and at times angry, but I've been doing my best to focus on the good stuff and trying to keep my hurt feelings from tainting memories of what was really and truly a wonderful relationship.

I'm not writing all this down to get pity or even words of encouragement. (I know it had nothing to do with me, I know I am enough, I know it gets better–believe me, I know. I get it.) I'm writing this down now because I'm upset with myself for not keeping track of it all then.

My blog has always been a place where I talk about my life. I do this because I like to share pictures and words with people, but mostly I do it for myself, so that I can look back and see what my life was a few months or a few years ago. But now when I look back, David, who was such a big, important part of my life, is nowhere to be seen.

This is all to say: I don't want that to happen with anything or anyone in my life again. I'm going to make the time to write these things down and share them here because it's important to me. I'm going to stop waiting for inspiration to strike, to "get in the mood" to blog, and I'm going to stop trying to make everything perfect. I'm just going to get out. I'm just going to do it.

-Maggie

Finished is better than perfect.

My biggest problem when it comes to writing is actually doing it. When I write, it takes forever for me to finish–anything and everything. Blogs sit in drafts unfinished for weeks. School essays were never completed more than twelve hours before they were due. Sometimes it even takes me awhile to craft the perfect Tweet, and that's only 140 characters. It's some sort of mental block I have, and it's very frustrating.

I once read that writer's block is an excuse writers use to not write, and I remember being very upset by this. "No, I love to write!" I'd yell. "I really want to write, I swear!" And I did, and I do. More than anything, I want to be a writer–better yet, a good writer. I want people to look at me and think "writer." I want it, I swear!

Part of my problem stems from wanting to be a good writer. I want everything to be perfect. Everything has to be perfect so everyone thinks I'm a good writer! But perfect is, you know, impossible. I know this. You know this. Everyone knows this! So why do I still try for perfect? I couldn't tell you for sure, but it has to stop.

This desire for my writing to be perfect has kept me from writing at all. I get in my own way. Before I even start writing, I get hung up on how long it will take and how these things never translate from my mind to the page the way I want them to. Better to just not do it at all than to do it and fail, right?

WRONG, MAGGIE.

It's always better to do the thing. Whatever the thing is, you've got to try.

For me, that means to just write–just get something onto the page, tweak it a bit, and let it go. (You know, like that one song from that movie that came out well over a year ago but you still, inexplicably, hear everywhere you go told you to.) I've started carrying a Moleskine in my purse so I can jot down thoughts and outline blog posts while I'm out, rather than writing them down on a sticky note or, worse, expecting myself to remember.

Even though I haven't posted here, I have been writing more. I love having these things to look back on even if they never make it to my blog. Hopefully I will get better at transferring from journal to blog, but baby steps, guys.

-Maggie